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Will you relax Marge, of course we are on the right airplane.

 

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ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTRUMENTS, SON

 

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Sorry folks, there will be a slight technical delay.

 

Controller: "FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 320 or 340?"
Pilot: "A340 of course!"
Controller: "Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me a 1000 feet per minute, please?"

 

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I keep telling you, I can't turn that one on until I get a multi engine license.

 

Pilot: Oakland Ground, Cessna 1234 at Sierra Academy. Taxi, Destination Stockton 
Ground: Cessna 1234, Taxi Approved, report leaving the airport

 

Cuidado con el perro...
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The glider pilot and the frog.

A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me, and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you."
He took the frog out, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me, and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you and do anything you want!"
Again, he took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back in his pocket.
Finally the frog asked: "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
He replied: "Look, I'm a glider pilot, I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool!

 

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Pilot: "Approach, Federated 303's with at 8000' for vectors ILS, full stop.
Approach: "Unable Federated 303. The ILS is out of service."
Pilot: "We'll take the VOR then."
Approach: "Sir, the VOR's in alarm right now. Standby."
Pilot: "OK, guess it'll have to be the ADF then."
Approach: "303, unable the ADF right now for traffic saturation."
Pilot: "OK, approach. State my intentions."